middle space

Writing job application materials in pursuit of an academic position is a jarring combination of (a) massive waves of imposter syndrome and (b) awkward parsing of how awesome you are.

Example (a) mindset: “Who am I even kidding, I’m not competitive and have nothing to show.”

Example (b) mindset: “If I got some money with an honor that I didn’t specifically apply for, but that was applied to my PhD tuition, does it fall under the ‘Award’ category or the ‘Fellowship’ category?” See also: “There’s no way I can make my CV fit on three pages, and I’ve cut out all the random crap already.”

In other news, I cut off all* my hair, and am trying to figure out if it looks amazing or if I just think it looks amazing because it looks exactly how I wanted it to look. These are objectively different things, but I’m hoping they intersect at least a little. Feedback has been positive so far, including a “that makes you look much more professional” and a “look at your wild and crazy mane, that’s glorious”.

* stated literally, half of my hair. I am not bald. The average length per strand has decreased by a factor of 2 at minimum. It once was long where now it is not.

One thought on “middle space

  1. Jessica

    I think I’ve mentioned this before but I’m in the exact same place. Don’t want to take a break but not quite ready to do IVF. My solution was to do another (4th) IUI but switch up the meds. Instead of Clomid I used Gonal-f, this month.

    I am wishing you every success should you go with one more IUI!


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