Here’s the thing. I have no idea how long we have been trying. I mean, I know how long we’ve been trying, but I don’t know how to score it.
I went off birth control and started charting in August 2012, but we kept using condoms until March 2013 (foolish foolish grasshoppers that we were, thinking we needed to protect against pregnancies).
We started trying in March 2013, but I didn’t ovulate again until October, and because I was charting, I knew I wasn’t ovulating. So even though we occasionally force-rallied in bed to respond to some particularly good mucous, in the end I knew that we didn’t have any targets to aim at in that time.
So it is August now, and that marks an almost-anniversary for me. It’s been two years since I started taking my temperature every morning. Two years since I started seriously thinking of what life with a child might look like. Two years since I let infertility into my life.
I had a very bad boyfriend for two years when I was in my mid-twenties, in a city in which I only lived for two years. The relationship was a roller-coaster: the highs were highs (I was with him for a reason), the lows were acrimonious and ugly. All of my memories of that city are washed with a pastel coating of this relationship.
I moved to Hilly Quirky City in April 2012. I had four months before infertility became a bedfellow and a brain worm, and they were four of the busiest and most stressful months of my life. I’m saddened that my experience of this marvelous city and this golden opportunity has a cast over it as well, and I know from experience it will stick around, hovering on the edge of memories.
That I am drawing parables between the most emotionally damaging relationship in my life and this infertility journey is telling: I generally do not actually feel like this process is beating me up too badly, nor that I am succumbing to too much panicked hope or despair. Then I take progesterone supplements and become the Gloom Queen of Northern California.
One thing I will say is that Walgreen’s generic basal body thermometer has a pretty good battery: rock solid after two years.