already changing my mind…

I’m at 7dpo, and I feel kinda weird, but I’m pretty darn sure that’s from the burrito I ate last night at 9 pm after running around chasing a plastic disc through the air for a few hours and not because of any burrowing foreign bodies in my uterus.

I am wrestling with myself today. Next cycle* should I take the break I said I would take, go on vacation, and just leave it be? OR should I take the letrozole that I have on file with my pharmacy, get another ovulation out of these bedraggled ovaries of mine, and give it another old fashioned try (as Pea and I will be abroad at the critical junction)?

Reasons for taking a break are as follows: I feel pretty done with letrozole, with the hair loss and the headache (though last cycle were better for both). I secretly hope I might ovulate all on my own. Reasons for not taking a break: waiting around in the hope I might ovulate sounds crazy-making of the genre I am all too familiar with after my 1.5 years of erratic or absent ovulations. I’ve got the drugs, might as well use them? I would have a set end of cycle for starting at the new clinic rather than a likely round of provera (which I hate for dizziness and cyst causing).

I think I would probably relax more if I DID take the drugs, as I’ve ovulated on cd14 three times in a row now and that reduces the uncertainty of timing an almost inconceivable amount (ha, intended). But then I am still really IN this, not “relaxing”.

I just don’t really think I am of the kind who can genuinely walk away from this. I’d still take my temperature and monitor my mucous, and I briefly pictured not bringing cheapo OPKs on our trip and freaked out a bit. Because I’d WANT TO KNOW. It is the blessing and curse of my analytically-trained brain.

I’m still looking at October for IVF, early September to start with the clinic (assuming it will take at least a month to get a ball rolling, though please ART folk, correct me if I am wrong in either direction with that guess).

*because I am still in the “there’s no chance this will work for me” mentality that I’ve been in since the beginning of this cycle. It may not be good in the sense of me not visualizing success, but it is good in that I am not at all emotionally fraught this month.


4 thoughts on “already changing my mind…

  1. Haisla

    This is a tough one really. Walking a way is such a hard thing to do at this stage in the game. I think we kind of get conditioned to TTC and not doing it feels weirder. If Letrozole gives you the peace of mind, then perhaps it’ll be worth it, just so that you can be more relaxed on your holiday? Unless the hair loss and the headaches negate the positive psychological effects..

    Wishing you all the best in the decision-making and am so chuffed that you’ve got the IVF cycle lined up for this autumn..x

    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      Thanks Haisla! I really do want a break, but I don’t really trust myself to take one, not properly. I’m only hoping for the fall IVF: I’m waiting to see the results of this cycle before I call the new clinic and get the ball rolling.

  2. Turia

    I would take the Letrozole. If you have a timeline in mind for IVF, I would take it just to have a clean cycle before starting the IVF protocol. Otherwise won’t they want you to drag along for 90 days before taking progesterone?

    If you are going to take OPKs and chart and do all the things that show you are manifestly NOT taking a break this cycle, then I would take the drugs that mean you will at least have a predictable result rather than having you wondering “Is it today? Did I ovulate? No! Tomorrow? Where is my EWCM?” for your entire vacation.

    It seems counterintuitive to take along ttc drugs while trying to have a break, but I actually think they might help in your situation.

    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      Would they want to drag me along for 90 days?! That’s madness. I would go mad. That way madness lies. This is a very good impetus to take the damn letrozole. Would I then finish that cycle, and start taking bcp to down-regulate my ovaries? That would be a good timeline if so.
      I think I can walk away from most of the monitoring stress if I DO take the letrozole, as I’ll know exactly what to expect (I say, thus jinxing it forever, ha), and would be facing only 3-4 days of opks instead of possibly weeks worth.
      Thanks! xox


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