a roller coaster ride

It has been a pretty weird week. A lot of ups and down, and I think you should come on this roller coaster ride with me!


Look at those guys! Don’t they look like they are having fun? (actually if you need a pick-me-up on this Friday, google image search “roller coaster riders”. It’s pretty funny).

I spent the whole week working on my academic job search materials.  Don’t tell my boss.  I also spent most of the week waffling between the mindset of “I’m a scientific GENIUS” and “I’m a FRAUD”!  Self promotion is hard, especially in a relative vacuum staring at the same four documents trying to tout your merits for seven straight days.

Despite all of my best efforts, I also spent this week symptom spotting and obsessing over my uterus.  Pragmatism is nothing in the face of dwindling days until you can pee on a stick.

All of this boiled up on Wednesday, which was 12 dpo, when I worked from home, and, against ALL of my best-laid plans, I decided to pee on a stick.  SMU, and an internet wondfo test.  It was, as I was expecting, stark white.  I was bummed, but not surprised.  I called the new clinic to see about getting a new patient appointment to get the ball rolling on IVF.  When taking my insurance information, the receptionist mentioned that because I am the one undergoing the treatments, it is MY insurance that matters.  Pea’s insurance gives us $20,000 a la carte fertility treatments.  Mine doesn’t cover IVF at all.  I was upset, but asked to speak to the insurance coordinator, because I’ve been given upsetting and inaccurate insurance information by receptionists before.  I left a message, and hung up to stew and generally work myself into an emotional fit (the internets confirming that this was a likely true scenario).  If we went for IVF under our current scenario, we’d pay out of pocket for all of it.  Welcome to the bottom of the roller coaster, where the speed has your intestines mashed into your spine, and you don’t feel well, and it’s only just gotten started!)


Pea got home that night to a sad and stressed labmonkey.  He was his usual wonderful, reasonable, comforting self.  Apparently his insurance check-in point is in November, so, even though it would delay our timeline, he felt it would be relatively straightforward to add me to his plan as a dependent.  He also convinced me to take another test on Thursday morning, because I had a double-header of frisbee games that night and he wasn’t sure that would be the best idea if I were actually pregnant.  I agreed, because he is a bastion of logic and a more cautious individual than I am.

Roll around the bend in the track to Thursday.  FMU, wondfo.  After a minute, it’s stark white again, so I go back to bed.  Half an hour later, there is the faintest shadow of a line.  Pea can see it, but neither of us really trusts it.  I’m 100% sure it’s an evap.  Pea is still not thrilled about the idea of me playing four hours of frisbee finals (notorious for injuries because everyone is a bit too hyped up), and convinces me to take a FRER to work with me.  Noon, 4th urine of the day, and this:

photo (12)

This is the up part of the roller coaster!

So I went to frisbee and cheered my team to a second place finish rather than playing.  And I’m still in shock, and also the test this morning with FMU looks pretty much EXACTLY the same, so I’m also a little worried this will turn out to be a chemical.  I’m putting over-the-top excitement on hold for at least a week.   We’re slowing down on the roller coaster, but we’re not off it yet, and we’re both still feeling kinda dizzy.  BUT, as Pea said last night, even if this doesn’t work out, we’re making progress!

Betas are set for today/Sunday, but nothing is open on Sunday to take my blood, so I’m waiting to hear back from the clinic if they want me to go tomorrow/Monday or today/Monday.  I will keep y’all posted as I go.  


6 thoughts on “a roller coaster ride

  1. Haisla

    Oh my gosh, I’m late for the party, but oh my gosh!!!! That is such awesome news!!! Can’t wait to read your update post and really really pray it’s positive!!! (Sorry for the extra exclamation marks, but surely this post deserves it!!!)xx


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