I’m totally freaked out

Totally and entirely.  And I know it’s too early, and I can find plenty of successful pregnancy stories with low initial betas.  I can also find the occasional ectopic (though those actually seem to start even lower than mine…. 30 at 17 dpo not 14 dpo.). I haven’t had ANY bleeding and the cramping I’m having is central, not side-specific.

Oh please oh please, little speck, just be a late bloomer.  Be in the right spot, and chugging along properly now.

It’s possible.

I’m dying, because I can’t find anywhere I can get my blood drawn tomorrow, so I have to wait 72 hours between betas.

I’m dying because we are meant to fly on Friday, and that’s not going to happen unless this is clearly and obviously fine (and it might not be possible to know by then).

I’m dying because I’m in a dichotomy where either

1) everything I’ve been working and hoping for these past two years is happening

or

2) I’m in a life-threatening medical situation

That sucks, you guys.  Cross your fingers for me.

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4 thoughts on “I’m totally freaked out

  1. Haisla

    I’m so so sorry that your happiness has turned into such worry. I am crossing my fingers and sending little prayers up there that everything will be fine and that you will find that out as soon as is humanly possible. Sending zen-vibes your way.xx

    Reply
    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      Thanks Haisla! I’m still pretty worried, but I’m going whale watching today to take my mind off it. I’ll know more tomorrow, and I’ll update here.

      Reply
  2. Turia

    Just getting caught up here. I would tell you to try not to freak out, but whatever- I would be freaking out with that type of beta too. So I will send you a lot of hugs and let you know that I am waiting with you.

    FWIW, one of my TCOMF infertility friends has a daughter six weeks older than E. who had a ridiculously low first beta (like 18 at 14dpo or something like that). Low first betas do not always end badly. But I know a good strong number would have been so much easier.
    xoxo
    T.

    Reply
    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      Thanks T. I know it is both not the end of the earth and not the best case scenario… but it is much easier to freak out than to go with the flow. I’m feeling a little bit better today because (a) I’ll get an answer in a few hours, and (b) my cheapo test was SUPER dark today. So if that sucker isn’t doubling, I don’t know what is going on. Also tempered by my acknowledgement that cheapo tests usually provide more stress and worry than they are worth, but I’m holding on to the fact that they are at least darkening clearly. I’ll keep this blog up to date once I hear today.

      Reply

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