you smiling at me?

For the record, if you get a positive opk with my clinic, you are whisked into an ultrasound that day to confirm it’s a true positive, you trigger regardless of your raging leuteinizing hormone levels, and you are scheduled to go in the next day for an IUI.

This has thrown all my plans mildly awry.  I’m most irritated that it spurred me to wake Pea early to get some insurance in before I left for my ultrasound AND that he will have to be up at an ungodly hour (for him) to go ‘produce’ tomorrow. We haven’t had a quieter weekend in ages, and this egg, this 26 mm on cd 11 egg (!!) has ruined both his sleep-ins.  I am simultaneously fiercely protective of Pea’s weekend mornings and deeply exasperated that it is a massive disruption to his preferred routine to need to leave the house before 1 pm. This dichotomy is not new, but this weekend was more of a fiercely protect moment, and I ruined it (well, my physiological response to drugs caused unforseen scheduling, but tell that to my hormonal guilt brain).

I had two new ‘weirdest infertility moments’ today. (1) the weekend doctor describing to me my uterus, lining, cervix, cervical opening, intestines, ovaries, antral follicles, and ripened follicle in slow methodical detail. Thanks, excellent-bedside-manner-man, but this isn’t my first time at the rodeo, and honestly, we can minimize the probe time.  (2) Triggering in a grotty single-stall bathroom in an undergraduate watering hole in downtown Fancy Pants. Nothing says ‘our team is going to thrash your team in our ritualized annual meeting in which the winner takes home a stylized weapon’ like giving yourself an injection in a public washroom. I mean, maybe that is more normal than I think, but that’s not how my undergraduate rolled.

Also, at acupuncture last night, I got a ‘chi bump’, and was instructed to press on it (painful!) until it went away.  My hand is still painful. I am trying very hard to just roll with this and not play mental games like “was that a lymph node? should we be puncturing lymph nodes? am I bleeding internally? what the hell is a chi bump? why am I doing this?” and instead continue to chant “placebo effect. 45 minute nap in a comfy armchair weekly.” with marginal success.  Though given this earlier egg maturation is deeply odd for me based on 5 previous cycles, and the only thing I have really changed is the acupuncture, then maybe I can find some placebo-effect-leveraging belief to hang on to in that.

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2 thoughts on “you smiling at me?

  1. Haisla

    Sorry to hear that your plans have gone a bit awry (especially the no lie-in part – I hate it when we have to give upon our weekend snooze), but hopefully it’ll turn out to be sooo worth it!!!xx

    Reply

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