Our last house guests leave today, while Pea and I are back at work (see me working? I’m great at this work thing!). Everyone kept saying how ready for a break and how glad to get our apartment back we must be. I think Pea will feel this way a bit, but I personally feel bereft. I like having the company around, and planning food and activities for six each day was much more fun than work.
Despite a visible but uninspiring evap line on a test two days ago (only visible 30 min after taking it, I know, I know), I am, yet again, not pregnant. Negative on a reliable brand yesterday*, coupled with spotting last night and a temp drop this morning tell me today will be cycle day 1.
We have one more month before we start IVF with the new clinic. We will be in Mexico for the span around ovulation, making a final IUI on my insurance unlikely to happen. I think I will still go do a day 3 ultrasound to make sure my ovaries aren’t all cystic, and do the blood work my current clinic wants (FSH, estradiol, AMH, prolactin) because the new clinic will want those numbers too, and I can get them done in advance. I will also take letrozole, but probably not the increased dose my doctor was debating, as I wouldn’t be monitored further and that seems mildly risky.
Pea and I are attending an IVF orientation session tonight, which we knew would feel badly timed – leave work early the first day back, dive right into this IVF game with no break after our busy holiday season. They only offer it once a month, and it is mandatory. Our other option was to go to the one on his birthday in December, which was obviously even worse timing.
I am cranky and tired and grumpy. This is the second month I have been nearly positive I was pregnant in a row, and my usual ability to keep the sine wave of hope/despair having a tiny amplitude is starting to wear out.
It is a new year, and will be a new direction for us, fertility-wise. I am ready for something with higher odds of success, and also scared because it raises the stakes.
* I experimented, and got another evap with the newly purchased cheapo strips yesterday that was identical to the one the day before, next to the total blank of the reliable test – into the bin those will go!