an impending glum

Our last house guests leave today, while Pea and I are back at work (see me working? I’m great at this work thing!).  Everyone kept saying how ready for a break and how glad to get our apartment back we must be. I think Pea will feel this way a bit, but I personally feel bereft. I like having the company around, and planning food and activities for six each day was much more fun than work.

Despite a visible but uninspiring evap line on a test two days ago (only visible 30 min after taking it, I know, I know), I am, yet again, not pregnant. Negative on a reliable brand yesterday*, coupled with spotting last night and a temp drop this morning tell me today will be cycle day 1.

We have one more month before we start IVF with the new clinic. We will be in Mexico for the span around ovulation, making a final IUI on my insurance unlikely to happen. I think I will still go do a day 3 ultrasound to make sure my ovaries aren’t all cystic, and do the blood work my current clinic wants (FSH, estradiol, AMH, prolactin) because the new clinic will want those numbers too, and I can get them done in advance. I will also take letrozole, but probably not the increased dose my doctor was debating, as I wouldn’t be monitored further and that seems mildly risky.

Pea and I are attending an IVF orientation session tonight, which we knew would feel badly timed – leave work early the first day back, dive right into this IVF game with no break after our busy holiday season.  They only offer it once a month, and it is mandatory. Our other option was to go to the one on his birthday in December, which was obviously even worse timing.

I am cranky and tired and grumpy. This is the second month I have been nearly positive I was pregnant in a row, and my usual ability to keep the sine wave of hope/despair having a tiny amplitude is starting to wear out.

It is a new year, and will be a new direction for us, fertility-wise. I am ready for something with higher odds of success, and also scared because it raises the stakes.

* I experimented, and got another evap with the newly purchased cheapo strips yesterday that was identical to the one the day before, next to the total blank of the reliable test – into the bin those will go!

7 thoughts on “an impending glum

  1. mamajo23

    Sorry it is on to IVF you go but I found that leap to feel like a relief to me. It was nice to have others ( lab technician, drs etc) really an active part of the effort to get me pregnant. In a weird way it took the pressure off a little. Not sure if that makes sense. Anyway- best of luck. Think of tonight as the first step in a much higher odds path to pregnancy. Xo

    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      Thanks! I felt that way with the leap to IUI, not having to guess at when ovulation was coming (especially since for so long it really wasn’t!). Maybe IVF will be another level of security!

      1. mamajo23

        It was nice to give someone else the eggs and have them be in charge of getting them ready for me instead of wondering if things were even happening inside me. I think your good news is around the corner. Look forward to cheering you on!

  2. Turia

    I have been convinced I was pregnant more times than I can count. The only thing I know for certain is our bodies are really good at playing with our minds.

    I am hopeful for you with IVF. Obviously because the family has a good track record there, but also because it is time for you to move on. Bigger stakes, yes, but you have great insurance coverage and the IUIs have had their chance. Plus IVF gives you lots of numbers to count and mull over, and I know you like numbers. 🙂


    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      It was time to move on a few months ago, but insurance timelines prohibited it!

      I’m so done with letrozole and IUI. I’m sad that getting to actually do an IVF will probably take longer than I want (a few months? we shall see), but there is little I can do about it.


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