I have been eating more than normal in the past few weeks. I am sure this sounds familiar to most of you, the holidays being the panoply of big meals, alcohol, and celebratory mindset that they are (yes I SHOULD have that cookie!).
I’m back at work now, and finding it hard to mediate my stomach’s current expectations with my actual food available. I packed my normal lunch. It took active willpower not to eat it around 10 am. Now I’m
trying to avoid eating my apple. It’s delicious.
I don’t need more food, but my stomach is very happy to have had more, and now expects more. So we’re in a renegotiation.
I’m also digesting the information from our IVF info session. It was useful, especially for Pea, but I’m not ready to wade into it here yet, as what I am desperately trying to keep my brain from doing is setting up a schedule in my head that will inevitably disappoint me. I have to do a sonohysterogram. I have to take birth control prior to stimming. They may not be ok with the fact that I don’t titer like a chicken pox-immune person. The clinic is moving locations in the somewhat near future (to closer to me, but I’m not sure I want to be in the first wave of patients in a new space). I am worried about all of this. I cannot control any of this. I need to come to terms with it before I talk about it too much.
What I do want to do moving forward is find a real way to relax. I am taking suggestions!
For one of the first times in as far back as I can remember, ‘get back to running’ or ‘trim up a bit’ aren’t on my New Years Resolution radar. I’m below my ideal weight. I’ve lost those “pesky last five pounds”. My pants are too big, even after the holiday indulgences. I did it by eating everything I normally eat and then some, not exercising, and instead shedding pounds through a healthful cocktail of intense prolonged stress and sporadic use of chemotherapy drugs to stimulate ovulation. So I don’t need to lose weight, and while I’m not as cardio-fit as I usually am, I’m still strong. What I need to do is calm the f**k down a bit, and possibly fluff up a bit to be a cushier potential host. I’m not really geared to either of those, but will be trying to achieve these in the next few weeks.