Sign your lives away

Pea and I have our consenting appointment (where we will sign ALL THE THINGS) and the injection class today, so we are working from home.

We initialed all of the paperwork over breakfast, having meant to do it for the past few days. It included deciding what should happen to our frozen embryos under a variety of conditions.

It was weird, yo. Weird to discuss the hypothetical fates of our hypothetical embryosickles under hypothetical situations. Life and death, in the absence of any lives at stake yet.

Here’s what we decided: If one of us dies, the other gets the embryos, because we decided it was too harsh for one of our deaths to ALSO mean snuffing them out simultaneously – even if later the survivor chooses not to proceed with trying to have our kids. If we divorce, or we stop paying for freezing, or it’s been more than 5 years, they are being thawed and observed for research purposes. If we BOTH die, we’re donating them to infertile couples. Because a last evolutionary hurrah made sense to us both, and Pea was ok with the donation option under other circumstances and I really wasn’t, so this was a compromise of sorts.

So strange. What I got out of it was the realization that I don’t want to comprehend a life where Pea has died, and I also don’t want a baby of mine brought into this world if I cannot assure it a good life and happy home – which is where I got stuck with the donation option. If I am in this world, I want to be able to take care of my biological child.

In other news, insurance issues continue to abound, BUT I don’t think any of it will impact this cycle (knock wood, toss salt, cross fingers). Yesterday I got a panicked call from the clinic nurse, as she thought we had to get my meds sorted out and ordered. She was much relieved, and a bit confused, when I said I had received them already. Turns out while I have been progressively more annoyed and frustrated with my insurance company and this clinic, I should have been praising the mail-order pharmacy to the stars. They apparently have navigated my insurance waters where the clinic, my OBGYN, and myself have all gotten lost in its Bermuda Triangle. I can’t imagine how I would feel right now if I didn’t have my meds yet, given I start injections on Friday.


One thought on “Sign your lives away

  1. Turia

    Those conversations are so weird. We had to repeat them with each cycle, and we’d be trying to remember what we decided. I use them as proof of how strenuous the ethics process is behind IVF when I’m talking to people who are uncertain about it. Even before those embryos exist, we have to decide what can/cannot happen to them if certain circumstances come to pass.

    I’m glad you’re about to start. That brings you one step closer to being finished!


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