fear mongering

I’ve recently been looking into ways to address my anxiety. An online diagnostic and support site (ecouch) listed the main symptoms of anxiety, and several struck home. The most telling was a tendency to catastrophize. Where a worry becomes a worst-case scenario. I like to be prepared, but that leads to me spending a lot of time envisioning terrible potential outcomes, often highly unlikely ones.

I’ve been on OHSS watch. I’m going to instead call it “OHSS obsessive fearful panicking” to better characterize my approach thus far. I have every indicator for risk (high E2, many follicles, full HcG trigger, PCOS, young (<35), slim).

My symptoms so far have been painful ovaries, some bloat pre- and post-trigger and retrieval, gas, and thirst. All perfectly explainable by the combination of (a) surgery on my stimulated ovaries, (b) the antibiotic drip they gave me pre-egg retrieval, and (c) switching to a high-salt, high-protein diet for three days, away from my usual almost-no-salt, heavy on the veggies plus some sweet treats diet.

I have weighed myself thrice daily since Saturday. I have lost 1.5 pounds in that time. I have measured my waist daily. I have lost 1 inch. I feel better daily.

I do not, at this moment, have OHSS. I remain sincerely worried about it. I’m not in the clear for the next three days for early onset, and for the next 10 for later onset.

This is just worst-case scenario worrying. If I’m going to develop it, there’s not a lot I can do about it, and that’s the worst kind of potential scenario for my anxiety. I’ve also noticed a correlation with my higher-rev days and ovulation, likely from the rapid shifts in hormones.

I needed to write this out, to be able to stop reading medical articles and forums on OHSS, to instead go back to reading the (terrible) paper I am reviewing. Maybe if I put it here, I can put it away for a day.

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