Here we go again

Beta came back at 140, an increase of 60% over 72 hours.

So once again, this is not viable. Once again I am in the position where my best case scenario is that this number is dropping, the opposite of what I wished for even an hour ago.

The bleeding, and the slow rise have me worried it is ectopic. I go back for a third beta on Wednesday.

Officially RPL. What fun to have a new badge to attach to my infertility sash.

I am so sad. and I am FURIOUS. But mostly I am so so sad.

And I am at work, and have to go have cake (that I bought) for a colleague’s birthday. Maybe no one will notice a wavering smile.

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12 thoughts on “Here we go again

  1. Turia

    I have told you this already, but I am so sorry. Hoping for a clear answer on Wednesday so you can stop worrying about the possibility that it is ectopic.

    Reply
  2. rainbowgoblin

    I’m so sorry… I can’t really imagine how you’re feeling right now. I was sure this was going to be the one that worked.

    Reply
    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      The insidiousness of infertility is that you are never sure of anything again. Perhaps one of our blasts will work, or perhaps a test will reveal I have a clotting issue or antibody problem they can address, or perhaps this will ultimately never work out. It’s a tricky thing, life. I’m really mad at it today.

      Reply
      1. rainbowgoblin

        The thing I find really puzzling is that I feel like you have a lot of selectable traits that should be linked to high fertility, if our species has made it this long: you’re very attractive, highly intelligent, and I think you’d do pretty well if it came to outracing or out-climbing a tiger. If I were an intelligent designer, I’d make the females like you.

      2. labmonkeyftw Post author

        Ha ha, thanks! Although my severely myopic eyes and moderate asthma make the tiger idea a bit less tenable if we’re picturing a time when evolution was still acting on humans. Pea is a pretty above-average person, at least I think, but he’s also myopic. So in the wild we’d have a hard time, bumbling around in a blur.

      3. rainbowgoblin

        A little hookworm could take care of the asthma (I’d hold off on infecting yourself for now, though, I don’t think the science is that good yet). As for the myopia, I got nothing.

      4. labmonkeyftw Post author

        I saw that about hookworms! I was so intrigued, my allergies are annoying, and there is a lot of science around alternate immune triggers. But yes, not quite ready yet.

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