OR, all the shitty options.

My doctor sent me for a beta today. It came back at 110, not enough of a drop for them to be at all convinced this embryo has detached from wherever it is.

So tomorrow, I will go for a beta and then I will have an MUA (manual uterine aspiration) to clear any pregnancy cells in my uterus or cornea of the uterus. Apparently a period from hell is no guarantee that implanted tissue will detach, so it might still be in there. I will have another beta on Saturday, and if there is not an immediate and significant decrease, I will then have a shot of methotrexate.

On the east coast, they use methotrexate immediately. In Europe, they’d still be in expectant management stage. West coast likes MUA first, so that’s what we’re doing.

I really don’t care any more. I just want this resolved. Pea asked how I was feeling and my answer was “ummmmmmmm……. ? angry?”. I’m numb. This is shit, and I just want out.

I did, however, send the fully edited and finished version of this paper to my boss this morning. I plan on having my grant finished by end of day Saturday to send to a colleague. I compensate for lack of control in one aspect of my life by regaining control over others. Also by drinking wine, of which I anticipate copious amounts in the next three days.

7 thoughts on “OR, all the shitty options.

  1. Haisla

    Oh my gosh!! How much longer can your beta hell go on for!? Well done for getting your paper done, though! I guess there’s only two options really in a situation like this – to become a big blubbering mess or just soldier on and regain control where control can be regained. I really admire your resolve. Much strength to you in the coming days. May this horrendous episode be over soon.xx

    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      It is winding to a close, the MUA was successful. Thank you for all your comments and hugs and support, Haisla, I really appreciate it. It has made this awful week easier.

  2. Jessica

    I haven’t commented much on your blog lately because I feel like having just had a baby is a bit of rubbing it in faces and I hate that but…

    I feel compelled to tell you how sorry I am that you’re going through this again. I read every single post you write and I’m always pulling for you.

    I really am (silently) wishing you the best.

    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      Jessica, thank you. It is nice to know I’ve got you in my corner. I don’t begrudge you your beautiful Hannah, she and Ryan are sparks of joy on my reader feed, and I am so happy for you! You give me hope.


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