the medium shitty option

Sorry for the lapse in posts. It turns out I don’t handle my ‘mild pain meds and two atavan’ well. Or rather, I handle them totes super hell yeah well.

Which is to say, I spent yesterday asleep. Or fuzzily awake for five minutes and then asleep again.

Yesterday’s beta was 106.

Fair warning, squeamish folk, skip to below the ********s

The MUA was unexpectedly extremely painful, but also unexpectedly short. Four minutes, and you too can have a squeaky clean uterus. As long as you don’t mind giant needles in your cervix which “doesn’t have very many nerve endings so you don’t feel much”. My ass, you don’t feel much, RN. Or rather, my cervix. Following which they will aspirate you, which “won’t hurt much except one uncomfortable point”. Which, from the same RN, translates into “is going to hurt a LOT, and then for about 30 seconds is going to be a totally unreasonable level of pain”.

I have a high pain tolerance. Still. Yeowch.


Beta today was 29. I also feel unpregnant, which had not been true til now. Successful MUA. Uterine pregnancy confirmed, which is good, as ectopics have a nasty habit of stacking. Uterine pregnancy confirmed, which is bad, because this really is three unviable in a row. However, nothing good was going to come of this, and non-ectopic and no methotrexate are the better options.

I go back Friday for a blood draw to confirm it dropped to zero. It will be nice to have fewer than five active track marks on my arms, though I will lose all my cred with the folks under the underpass on my way to work.

I will say this again soon, not buried under a pile of complaint and medical info, but thank you, all of you, for reading and listening and commenting and generally being here. It means so much to have people who understand this space. Who know the balance of hope and dread, who make me feel less alone. I write this blog because I am a loudmouth and there is so much I cannot say aloud in this process, but I am so glad you are willing to sit and listen.


8 thoughts on “the medium shitty option

  1. Turia

    I hope you are feeling fully recovered (physically) today and that you have a great last day of the weekend. I think about you so so so much, every day.

  2. rainbowgoblin

    The cervix doesn’t have many nerve endings? Hmm. I have a friend who got an IUD and said it was easily the most intensely painful experience of her life, and no one had told her to take so much as a Tylenol beforehand. I mentioned this to a sexual health specialist I used to knit with and she said if men got IUDs they’d do it in an OR under general anaesthetic. She also said it’s really variable, though, some women find it only slightly uncomfortable.

    I’m glad it was quick, anyway.

    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      I think I can say with confidence the cervix has the normal number of nerve endings. It certainly does not appreciate multiple low-gauge needle jabs.
      The discrepancy between men’s and women’s care is shocking to me once you wade into infertility. There is not a lot of love for lady parts.
      It was quick, and I am feeling much better all around. Hugs!


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