well, but I have a friend who…

In infertility, anything can happen. Everything bad certainly seems to happen. But the craziest, most unexpected things happen too.

You might know that Turia is my sister – we try to stay off each other’s toes when blogging, but we’re bad at boundaries and I imagine if you follow us both, you have made this connection. If you follow us both, you’ve seen her amazing, unexpected announcement today.

In conversation with her last week, once she had told me the news, she remarked that it was going to look like “we had stopped trying, and it just happened”, when in reality she had made concerted efforts to rehabilitate her cycle through diet. A not-fun diet, that she has stuck to for months now. That it didn’t “just happen”.  That said, this is amazing, and I personally think the world needs as many miracle post-infertility-treatment natural pregnancies as it can get. Bring as many unexpected, wished-for, free babies into this world as possible.

Her journey is, as always, her own. You can bet your bonnet I’ll be right beside her for it, but it is her story to tell.

For me, though, what does this mean? Renewed hope for a natural conception of my own? I’m cycle day 38 today and while I think my body has tried to gear up to ovulate twice now, it certainly hasn’t managed it. Obviously I’m taking this dietary change more seriously in light of her rampant success, and I have also started easing myself back onto metformin. My temperature has been all over the map, but lately has settled into a distressingly-low groove. My chart looks exactly as it did before, when I would easily fail to ovulate for months and months in a row.

We spoke with our doctor last week. She agreed some testing is a good idea before we think about another FET. Pea went for his blood draw for a karyotype on Friday. I need to fast before my draws, for a host of immune and clotting issues, a karyotype, and some glucose measures (NOT, thankfully, the beastly glucose tolerance test), so I haven’t managed to go to the blood lab. If I’m honest,, it’s only an 8-12 hour fast, and I’m not going because I now have a strong aversion to the blood lab. I really just have to suck it up and go. Our plan is to do a FET in March or April. My doctor said she still feels very confident about our prospects.

I don’t. I just don’t. Even with this news from my sister, and even with our blastocysts, and even having had a month of space and a vacation. I just don’t think this will work for us. I’m working on it, and trying to figure out how to feel less fragile about our next steps. In the meantime, the news that my family may well have another small human to dote upon makes me so very happy.


4 thoughts on “well, but I have a friend who…

  1. Turia

    I was thinking this the other day too- that if people read us both it would be so obvious we’re related. 🙂

    I am so glad you don’t have to do the glucose tolerance test after all! It is just horrid.

    I hit a mental point like you when we were gearing up for the IVF cycle that eventually produced E. I think it is in some way a measure of self protection. Hope is so brutal when it gets yanked away, and sometimes it is easier to keep yourself in a shade of grey, especially when the cycle is still several months out.

    I had been on bcps right before starting the diet. I don’t know if there is any reason for you to consider a month or two on them. I know it definitely made sure my body was a clean slate, but maybe the diet would have had the same effect regardless.

    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      It was fasting glucose! So I had gotten confused, but that’s an easy one. Although, 13 vials later, I’m feeling like I’ve been bitten by a vampire a few days early…
      I know, I had thought about the difference between coming off bcps and coming off a pregnancy. I’m willing to give this more time. Technically day 39 today, but for the first ten days I still had non-zero hcg levels, so I’m not really sure it’s fair to count from there. We only have these next two months before we’re long-distance, so I’d rather chance it now than go on the pill – if nothing happens, I’ll go on the pill once back in Canada to allow us to better time a FET.

  2. Haisla

    Oh my gosh, congratulations to Turia – somehow I had not made the sister connection, although I noticed she commented here a lot!!! That is just amazing and by the sounds of not just down to ‘relaxing’. I was hoping that my diet changes would produce such a miraculous results, but sadly no dice yet. I’m glad their doing more testing on you an Pea rather than ‘shooting in the dark’.. Hope they come across something that can be fixed relatively simply. And I’m sorry you’re feeling fragile. I think there comes a point (I’ve been through several such points) where you just wonder whether this will ever work for us..xx

    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      Definitely not just down to relaxing.. though I do wonder if her work to come to peace with not going back to the clinic helped too. Our minds are such strange things.
      No miraculous results for you – yet. I still have so much hope for you. Are you still in the wait? When is your beta?
      Something will work for us, Haisla. But I think it is ok if we doubt it along the way.


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