brutal honesty

I have a friend, a very good friend, who I love for being nearly myself, but in male form. We’ve been good friends for a long time now. I was his best man. We have a monthly skype date whenever we live apart, and a monthly tea date in person if we are near enough. We’ve helped each other move, and had fun doing it.

He’s one of the people in my life who is utterly honest with me. We skyped earlier this week, and I said something along the lines of “I’m expecting the first few months in New City to be shitty”. He paused, and then said “oh, yah, it’s going to seriously suck.”

It was such a relief! Everyone looks at me funny when I have voiced this opinion, and in a lot of cases, I haven’t bothered to, opting instead for a cheery “I’m excited for the new adventure!”. I am excited. This is, however, not my first time at the rodeo, and I know exactly how isolating and awkward the first few months in a new city and job are. Even in a great city and a great job with great people, the first few months are hard. Nothing is comfortable, nothing is routine, and you don’t know where any of the bathrooms are.

Add to it four months with Pea still in Hilly Quirky City across the continent, that it will be both VERY COLD and VERY DARK, and that many many people I love are nearby but not ‘come over and watch bad TV’ nearby, and I’m not expecting to have a lot of fun those first few months.

I like meeting new people. I like new places and new adventures and new challenges. I am READY to move and start my new lab.

I just think it’s going to suck for a while, and that’s ok.

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8 thoughts on “brutal honesty

  1. rainbowgoblin

    I didn’t realize you were moving without Pea for a bit. At the risk of being inappropriately optimistic, do you think that might be a good thing? Good for you, as opposed to enjoyable. Not in the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” way, which I think is bullshit, but because in a new city, when you’re in a relationship, there’s less need to make new social connections, whereas if you’re on your own, you sort of have to. Unless you end up spending every evening Skyping, I guess. So don’t do that. But yeah, it’s kind of going to suck.

    Reply
    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      I think it will be good, and definitely from a social perspective will force me to make more and better connections. We suffered a bit from that moving here, together. I’m more than a little concerned it will mean I morph into a ridiculous work-a-holic and then resent Pea for requesting my attention and time once he IS there… but I also think I am not actually built to be a work-a-holic because I’m too good at doing anything but work.

      Reply
    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      Yah, six months is about right. This one might be a bit longer because we’re moving in stages, so it’ll be a longer stretch of unsettled. But then, THEN! Hopefully never again!

      Reply
  2. Turia

    Change is really hard. And winter sucks, especially when you are not used to it.

    But then the spring will come, and Pea will be there, and things will look brighter. And in the meantime, we will not be far away!
    xoxo

    Reply
    1. Turia

      Also, you really should get in touch with the former PhD from my department who now lives in New City, because she is really nice and I bet you would get along well with her. She might have tips about the transition!

      Reply
    2. labmonkeyftw Post author

      Yah, I’ll get through it. I just know it’ll be a bit rocky, but I think that is healthier than expecting rainbows and unicorns and getting sleet and the sun going down at 3.

      Reply

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