on sleep

“It’s the reverse of Christmas morning” – my friend who has been through more trauma than could ever be considered fair.

This in response to my admission that, though I am eating decently and being productive, and generally keeping it together, I am self-destructively staying up really late for no reason.

“When you are a kid, they tell you to go to bed early on Christmas eve to make Christmas come sooner. Now, you are just glad you made it through the day, and in the morning it will all start up again anew. You delay so you can stay in this successful day as long as possible.”

She is wise, my friend.

I’ve set an alarm on my phone to go off at 11 pm, as a signal to wrap up whatever stupid show I am watching and get upstairs. Once I’m in bed, sleep is no trouble. Now that I know I’m just avoiding the inevitable, I think it’ll be easier to circumvent the behaviour.

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One thought on “on sleep

  1. Turia

    That is a really interesting perspective. I am still functioning by operating in two completely different realities at the same time where I can hold in my head the day-to-day of the ICU and yet remain completely incapable of even considering the magnitude of what the day-to-day in the ICU means going forward.

    Get some sleep!
    xoxoxo

    Reply

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