night terrors

Night three back at home in my rented house in New City.

Night three of nightmares, twisted, convoluted, and very vivid.

In one, I drove my rental car into a lake by following a misplaced sign. It took me five minutes after waking up to dispel my list of to dos surrounding sorting out the insurance.

Last night, my dad was being crushed by a weird thresher-like machine, so I moved Pea’s pillows to my side, propped them up so dad could breathe around the thresher, and shifted over to the far side of the bed. I woke up there this morning, on the wrong side, beside a tower of pillows, with tension knots in my shoulders.

Pea arrives Saturday. Pea is better than a sleeping pill, with his warmth and his uncomplicated relationship with sleep. Pea also gives back rubs. I need him here, for so many reasons.

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One thought on “night terrors

  1. rainbowgoblin

    When I’m anxious I dream that I’m still dating a certain ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t sound that bad, but it feels so real that it’s the most disturbing dream I ever have. I had it all the time when I was pregnant the first time, and Steffen and I weren’t living together. On the nights we were together I’d feel like crying with gratitude to wake from my nightmare and discover him next to me.
    I hadn’t had that dream for quite awhile, but last week I had it again… Only Steffen, ex, and I were all together. It was still horrible and felt real, but it was interesting that even at my most anxious I can’t really imagine a life without him.

    Reply

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