willow bark

I finally went for my follow-up blood test for the anti-cardiolipin antibody. It remains elevated – last fall it was 28, now it is 19. Below 9 is normal.  So I will be on aspirin and Lovenox (an anticoagulant) immediately following transfer until some point later in the pregnancy, should there be one.

I was going to say it was nearly impossible now for this reproductive attempt to be further divorced from biology, but then remembered surrogate pregnancies and decided there are deeper levels of intervention. I remain uneasy about the amount of intervention we’ve undertaken. I could chew on willow bark instead of taking aspirin to make this feel more “natural”, but otherwise I think that ship has sailed.

I’ve been trying to figure out how I’m feeling about this transfer. I wrote to my nurse to state explicitly that we only want to transfer one embryo. I’m a two-embryo-best-shot kind of person, but timing is not ideal on so many levels that I’m not willing to risk half our embryosicles. Do I still want kids? Yes. Do I still think pushing fast and furious makes sense? Yes, given insurance and home-base considerations. It makes sense, so we shall do it.

On the other side of the coin, I am exhausted. I am stressed. I am in the worst shape I’ve been in in years, with a combination of bad diet and no workouts for the past three months, and no proper workout schedule for more like nine months, all the way back to our IVF last August. We are moving. I might be on valium while packers and/or movers are handling my belongings. I have to fly within a week of the transfer. Pea might well not qualify for parental leave given he’s only changing jobs officially in June (a wrinkle I had not really thought through until this week). I wouldn’t recommend this plan to anyone else.

Let’s just say I’m not putting a lot of stock into this cycle.

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