Bump update #1

How far along? Eight weeks one day

Vital stats? I don’t know! I forgot to weigh myself this morning, and I might just leave it for a few weeks.

Sleep: I’m officially waking up once a night to pee, usually in a confused stupor that leads to weird dreams just prior to waking. Then I stumble off and pee, and go back to sleep. So far I’ve only been unable to get back to sleep once, when I woke up an hour out from my alarm and also woke up too much when navigating our new room in the dark. I ultimately wake up tired though, and it takes me a while to get my head on straight in the morning.

How am I feeling physically? So tired. Also I am a space cadet in the brain pan. I run out of steam most days around 3 pm, and unlike normal, it doesn’t pop back around 4. My ability to identify the correct word for a situation is wonky, leading to me using a similar sounding word that does not have the same meaning, and then struggling to correct myself. It leaves a great first impression in collaborator meetings, let me tell you. I’m also now vaguely nauseous nearly every day, usually starting around 5:30 or so, right before I leave work, and lasting til dinner is served, at which point I force myself to eat until the nausea abates. I have tried snacking at around 5 or 5:30 to avoid this, but it seems more temporally driven than hunger related. If it had to pick a 2-3 hour window, early evening is pretty manageable. I usually feel fine again after dinner.

How am I feeling emotionally? I’m sad today because Pea was sad last night – we hadn’t really properly discussed when/how to tell people about this pregnancy, and he’s not the loud mouth I am. So while I have told several friends and my entire nuclear family, he hasn’t told anyone. I told the friend who stayed over last night, and Pea was really sad I didn’t wait to do it while he was there too. I’m selfish and have low impulse control, and I also wasn’t sure if Pea wanted to be telling people… but that meant I certainly shouldn’t have kept telling people without asking. We should have had that conversation, and I should have controlled my loud mouth until we did. Everyone I’ve told are people who knew about the miscarriages, and so know to exercise caution in this – they are my support network, but I need to remember that Pea and I are in this together, first and foremost. I acknowledged I was wrong, and that we needed to decide/do these things together, and apologized abjectly. It made me extra sad because when heading home that day, I had been thinking to myself how much I cherish Pea and how many nice things he has done for me in the past few weeks, and how I needed to find some ways to make his life a little bit better. I then promptly seriously upset him.

I was in part telling people over text and with off-hand comments because I think Pea and I facing someone we love and expectantly telling them we’re expecting is too much for me. I need people to know this is happening, but I also still need for it to not feel like a real event, since it is still so early. I really did need to take Pea’s feelings into account though.
We might wait to tell anyone else now – Pea is still deciding about his family.  Pea also made a comment about a friend who he only realized was pregnant when a picture at ~ 9 months gone was posted on facebook, as an example of how public he wants this to be… we will have to find a balance because, while I agree with the idea of not bombarding social media with this, I’m not good at keeping my mouth shut in any scenario.

Best moment? I didn’t have a post last week, so I’m going to borrow the ultrasound from last week, where we got to see the heartbeat. My mind remains blown.

Movement? Not yet, of course, but new pains that I think are round ligament pains, so my uterus is probably moving (growing). I might take this question off the list for a few months.

Medications: Estrace, 2mg 3x day. Progesterone in oil, 1 mL, IM injection. Metformin, 500 mg 3x day. Lovenox, 40 mg sub-cutaneous injection. Baby aspirin, 1 pill (81 g) nightly. Prenatal vitamin in the am, vitamin D and calcium in the evening to ward off blood-thinner related osteoporosis.

What I miss? Alcohol, to be perfectly honest. We usually try to have a very nice wine right before I stop drinking for a treatment, but this time we were moving and we decided to try to finish the vermouth, the cooking sherry, and the ice wine, all of which are pretty unpalatable. It was wretchedly hot this weekend and we went to a BBQ, and the burgers were unbelievably dry. Water is fine, but a beer would have been perfect. However, the smell of alcohol is pretty off-putting right now, so while it was the right setting for a beer, I don’t think I would have actually enjoyed one (fetus-damaging guilt aside).

What I’m looking forward to? We are spending this weekend with my parents, visiting both sets in a three-day fly by. I’m excited for Pea to see my Dad, as he last saw him in February when things were grim indeed. Dad has an electric wheelchair that he is piloting now via a chin strap, which is yet another big step forward. I’ve carved out a longer visit to my mom and step-dad compared to last time I went up: after the heart attack my step-father had in response to his second course of chemo, everyone is feeling a little nervous about the future: chemo is on hold possibly indefinitely, which is good for his heart and healing, but which has implications for recurrence. I’m excited but I’m also really stressed about this weekend. It is a long hard trip with long drives bracketing it, and I’m so tired (and Pea does not drive). We will do what we can, and take breaks on the drives, and it will be good to see everyone.

What have I done this week to get ready? Does unpacking count? We unpacked the guest room because a friend stayed the night. The guest room is where my office will move to once we turn the not-yet-unpacked office into a nursery, so this was a necessary first domino. Really, it is too early for this question and I might omit if for a while. Or maybe that is naïve. I also read up to the end of the 5th month in What to Expect because I have it on library loan and figured I should read ahead til next time I put it on hold. Apparently I should be exercising, but I’m going to need some more energy before that seems reasonable.

Milestones? Every day I’m still pregnant is a milestone, and I think I’m doing ok with my mental state so far. The signs and symptoms help – it’s hard to believe anything is going wrong when I’m actively trying not to gag at the smell of Pea’s deodorant. I enforced a “you’re not pregnant at work” rule to keep me focused, but as I’m using my fuzzy headed time right now to type this, we can all see how well that is working.

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4 thoughts on “Bump update #1

  1. Turia

    WOO! It makes me SO HAPPY to see this kind of a post from you! Also, your symptoms are so interesting. Really makes me wonder how I would have felt in the first trimester if not souped up on steroids the whole time.
    I definitely fiddled with my categories between trimesters. I think the “what have we done to get ready” one I didn’t include until the third trimester with E. (and I skipped it entirely this time around which is a good thing as it would have been embarrassing to have to admit how much we procrastinated).
    I get that Pea is private, but there definitely needs to be a balance, because you need enough people IRL who know that you have your support network. You need people you can talk to when you are feeling confident and people you can talk to when you are feeling worried and people who will be there for you if something goes wrong (or looks like it might). If there are any other friends who fall into these categories who don’t yet know, I would talk to Pea about letting them in.
    Men experience pregnancy really differently than women- how can they not? Pea may not understand just how much time you spend thinking about it and how important a support network/outlet is. And sometimes you need to tell people because that makes it real when you tell them and it’s hard to imagine it’s real otherwise. And then they can trust that it’s real when you doubt yourself.
    xoxoxo

    Reply
  2. rainbowgoblin

    It’s funny, when I was pregnant I didn’t want to tell anyone (and immediately regretted it every time I did) and Steffen wanted to tell EVERYONE. Right away. Otherwise, your symptoms sound so much like mine.
    Do you guys have ginger beer? I can’t remember if it’s impossible to find in Canuckia (do I have that name right?) It goes well with most things actual beer does, and might help with nausea if it’s made with actual ginger. It’s ridiculously popular here, and there are a few brands that sell it in bottles that really look like beer bottles (which was handy when I didn’t want anyone to ask why I was sober at a conference… Uncharacteristic, as you may remember).

    Reply
  3. thecommonostrich

    This gives me all the feels! I too had a disagreement with Mr. O about how and when to tell people. I was more on the Pea side of the equation, and he wanted to tell everyone. We set a semi-arbitrary deadline, and then we let it happen as organically as we felt comfortable with. I think it helped- it gave me time to mentally prepare and him a clear idea of when go-time was.

    I too missed alcohol like no one’s business, so I became an expert mocktail maker. I felt fancy without feeling boozy. Inspiration, if you need it: http://www.thekitchn.com/15-non-alcoholic-mocktails-170813

    Reply
  4. Jenny F. Scientist

    If you feel like trying Dicletin, it is both Category A and miraculous. (I was losing two pounds a week from nausea! It was terrible! But any amount of nausea is unpleasant AND! category A!!)

    Reply

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