How far along? Eight weeks one day
Vital stats? I don’t know! I forgot to weigh myself this morning, and I might just leave it for a few weeks.
Sleep: I’m officially waking up once a night to pee, usually in a confused stupor that leads to weird dreams just prior to waking. Then I stumble off and pee, and go back to sleep. So far I’ve only been unable to get back to sleep once, when I woke up an hour out from my alarm and also woke up too much when navigating our new room in the dark. I ultimately wake up tired though, and it takes me a while to get my head on straight in the morning.
How am I feeling physically? So tired. Also I am a space cadet in the brain pan. I run out of steam most days around 3 pm, and unlike normal, it doesn’t pop back around 4. My ability to identify the correct word for a situation is wonky, leading to me using a similar sounding word that does not have the same meaning, and then struggling to correct myself. It leaves a great first impression in collaborator meetings, let me tell you. I’m also now vaguely nauseous nearly every day, usually starting around 5:30 or so, right before I leave work, and lasting til dinner is served, at which point I force myself to eat until the nausea abates. I have tried snacking at around 5 or 5:30 to avoid this, but it seems more temporally driven than hunger related. If it had to pick a 2-3 hour window, early evening is pretty manageable. I usually feel fine again after dinner.
How am I feeling emotionally? I’m sad today because Pea was sad last night – we hadn’t really properly discussed when/how to tell people about this pregnancy, and he’s not the loud mouth I am. So while I have told several friends and my entire nuclear family, he hasn’t told anyone. I told the friend who stayed over last night, and Pea was really sad I didn’t wait to do it while he was there too. I’m selfish and have low impulse control, and I also wasn’t sure if Pea wanted to be telling people… but that meant I certainly shouldn’t have kept telling people without asking. We should have had that conversation, and I should have controlled my loud mouth until we did. Everyone I’ve told are people who knew about the miscarriages, and so know to exercise caution in this – they are my support network, but I need to remember that Pea and I are in this together, first and foremost. I acknowledged I was wrong, and that we needed to decide/do these things together, and apologized abjectly. It made me extra sad because when heading home that day, I had been thinking to myself how much I cherish Pea and how many nice things he has done for me in the past few weeks, and how I needed to find some ways to make his life a little bit better. I then promptly seriously upset him.
I was in part telling people over text and with off-hand comments because I think Pea and I facing someone we love and expectantly telling them we’re expecting is too much for me. I need people to know this is happening, but I also still need for it to not feel like a real event, since it is still so early. I really did need to take Pea’s feelings into account though.
We might wait to tell anyone else now – Pea is still deciding about his family. Pea also made a comment about a friend who he only realized was pregnant when a picture at ~ 9 months gone was posted on facebook, as an example of how public he wants this to be… we will have to find a balance because, while I agree with the idea of not bombarding social media with this, I’m not good at keeping my mouth shut in any scenario.
Best moment? I didn’t have a post last week, so I’m going to borrow the ultrasound from last week, where we got to see the heartbeat. My mind remains blown.
Movement? Not yet, of course, but new pains that I think are round ligament pains, so my uterus is probably moving (growing). I might take this question off the list for a few months.
Medications: Estrace, 2mg 3x day. Progesterone in oil, 1 mL, IM injection. Metformin, 500 mg 3x day. Lovenox, 40 mg sub-cutaneous injection. Baby aspirin, 1 pill (81 g) nightly. Prenatal vitamin in the am, vitamin D and calcium in the evening to ward off blood-thinner related osteoporosis.
What I miss? Alcohol, to be perfectly honest. We usually try to have a very nice wine right before I stop drinking for a treatment, but this time we were moving and we decided to try to finish the vermouth, the cooking sherry, and the ice wine, all of which are pretty unpalatable. It was wretchedly hot this weekend and we went to a BBQ, and the burgers were unbelievably dry. Water is fine, but a beer would have been perfect. However, the smell of alcohol is pretty off-putting right now, so while it was the right setting for a beer, I don’t think I would have actually enjoyed one (fetus-damaging guilt aside).
What I’m looking forward to? We are spending this weekend with my parents, visiting both sets in a three-day fly by. I’m excited for Pea to see my Dad, as he last saw him in February when things were grim indeed. Dad has an electric wheelchair that he is piloting now via a chin strap, which is yet another big step forward. I’ve carved out a longer visit to my mom and step-dad compared to last time I went up: after the heart attack my step-father had in response to his second course of chemo, everyone is feeling a little nervous about the future: chemo is on hold possibly indefinitely, which is good for his heart and healing, but which has implications for recurrence. I’m excited but I’m also really stressed about this weekend. It is a long hard trip with long drives bracketing it, and I’m so tired (and Pea does not drive). We will do what we can, and take breaks on the drives, and it will be good to see everyone.
What have I done this week to get ready? Does unpacking count? We unpacked the guest room because a friend stayed the night. The guest room is where my office will move to once we turn the not-yet-unpacked office into a nursery, so this was a necessary first domino. Really, it is too early for this question and I might omit if for a while. Or maybe that is naïve. I also read up to the end of the 5th month in What to Expect because I have it on library loan and figured I should read ahead til next time I put it on hold. Apparently I should be exercising, but I’m going to need some more energy before that seems reasonable.
Milestones? Every day I’m still pregnant is a milestone, and I think I’m doing ok with my mental state so far. The signs and symptoms help – it’s hard to believe anything is going wrong when I’m actively trying not to gag at the smell of Pea’s deodorant. I enforced a “you’re not pregnant at work” rule to keep me focused, but as I’m using my fuzzy headed time right now to type this, we can all see how well that is working.