How far along? Twenty weeks, 4 days.
Vital stats? +11.3 lbs, up 2.6 from last week. Egad. I was, admittedly, not eating amazingly given I was at a conference in the poutine capital of the world, but I wasn’t eating all that much, or all that badly, and I was much more active than normal. EGAD. I think 11 pounds for 20 weeks is fine, but 4 lbs of that has been the last two weeks, which is likely not ideal.
Sleep: Disrupted, between the 2 am bar folk headed home below our accommodations each night, and a truly disastrous night for sleep in my hometown on Wednesday, and now a blooming head cold with even drippier nose than usual. The idea that I should be getting my sleep now in prep for the sleeplessness of a newborn is a bit laughable, as I think every week this entry has been more negative than otherwise. I do not have a good relationship with sleep at the best of times, and so am not deeply surprised.
How am I feeling physically? I noticed last week my linea negra has turned up, quite distinctly. So that’s new. Also, when dancing at the conference banquet on the Tuesday night, I realized my center of balance has definitely shifted forwards a bit, and certain dance moves are not a great idea (unclear if they ever were, but certainly not now if I want to stay upright). I’m more easily tired, and my hips have been sore a few times after a night, so I may need some pillows as support soon. I have a head cold, so physically I currently feel like I’m composed of brittle plastic filled with goo, but I am sure that is temporary. I ran into two other pregnant scientists due within two days of me, both their firsts as well and sporting prominent bellies. They were both offered seats while I was not. A recurring theme was people not noticing my belly, so I must not be as gigantic as I feel.
How am I feeling emotionally? So sad. So tired. Stressed about many things. I’m spending the day in bed because the last two weeks were all a bit much, and I need to spend about 45 hours on email, not to mention on work, and I just can’t. So I’m taking today. Tomorrow I will have to face the world again, but for today it can wait. Today Pea will bring me orange juice and hot lemon and honeys and bake fresh bread to tempt my appetite and snuggle with Spud and I, and we will all just reconnect and reset.
Best moment? Seeing some good friends at the conference. A truly excellent poutine from that dish’s homeland (poutine has been THE food of this pregnancy, weight gain be damned). Saying “F**k it, I’m just buying her a ticket” to get my step-sister here in time for one more lucid moment with her dad*, which happened, but only very nearly.
Medications: Lovenox, 40 mg sub-cutaneous injection nightly. Baby aspirin, 1 pill (81 g) nightly. Prenatal vitamin in the am, vitamin D and calcium in the evening.
What I miss? A sense of normalcy and control. That has been missing since January, but intensifying in waves.
What I’m looking forward to? My step-father’s suffering ending. We give our pets greater dignity in their deaths than we afford our family members in this province.
What have I done this week for the pregnancy? I am here, home, in bed. I am not in my hometown holding vigil, helping my mother and step-sister. It is the coward’s choice: I was a 45 minute drive away, with no plans this weekend, and the knowledge that these are likely the last two days. Wednesday upset my uterus badly**, and my allergies combined with this cold were daunting in the absence of medication. I left. I hate that I left, and I wouldn’t have, except for Spud. With Spud in tow, it was the only choice.
Milestones? Our good friends asked to store a heap of their stuff in our gigantic underused basement storage room for the year they are away on sabbatical. We agreed, and they dropped it all off last week while I was away, provisioning Pea with Thai take-out as thanks. They also took the time in their whirlwind of packing to bring us a bag of baby toys and books, their kiddos being well past board books and soft rattling dice. So we now, for the first time, own something for Spud. It is a start.
* Our family flies stand-by because my step-dad worked for an airline. The flights filled up at the last minute stranding my step-sister in the airport and possibly through the next day as well. It turns out a last minute ticket (4 hours pre-departure) is honestly not that expensive. My mother has since arm-wrestled me for the rights to pay, which I will cede, but the decision to just throw money at a problem would not have been one either of them chose, and it was the right choice.
** between helping my mother shift his position in bed numerous times, and then a night punctuated by frequent, stressful wake-ups, my uterus was a hard, angry ball on Thursday morning, and didn’t really calm down until Friday. Spud has been ponking about merrily so I am not worried, but I am being protective.