pregnancy funnies

At prenatal classes on Monday night, our instructor:
“You can’t trust babies”
“Babies are sneaky”
“Ok that video was traumatic, but the next one has newborns! Newborns! So cute. But watch them, they will roll off sofas in seconds”

Random person (i.e., everyone in my life ever): “So are you ready for the baby?”
Me: “NO! But we do have a bassinet so at least there is somewhere to put it.”
Pea: “Yes, the bassinet is great, it freed up a whole drawer.”
Random person: ?
Me exasperatedly amused: “Because we won’t have to put the baby in a drawer.”
Pea: “I was just going to find a good box, but this works too.”

Me: “We need to get a bit organized. Next Tuesday I’m 30 weeks – we have 9 weeks left!”
Pea: “That is not much time! You should take your time.”
Me: “I am taking my time. This is the time it takes.”
Pea: “You should wait for spring.”
Me: “Yes, agreed. But I probably won’t.”
Pea: deep sigh

Pea: “We should shop a bit this weekend. What do we need for the baby?”
Me: “A crib, car seat, stroller. Probably if we go to Babies R Us we will realize there are hundreds of things we could have, but maybe we don’t need? I do want to buy the baby medical kit stuff in advance, that just seems smart. Oh, and some sleep sacks and a bunting bag for the carseat since most of our clothes came from summer babies.”
Pea: “Can’t we just make a sleep sack out of a pillowcase?”
Me: “No! What would you do, sew it?”
Pea: “No, we would just use rubber bands.”

Ex-committee member at a talk at my alma mater: “Oh and congrats!” points at belly
Me: “Ah, thank you! It is my latest culturing project.”
Committee member: “You will have more samples than you want. Four or five a day, really.” (he has twin boys)


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