How far along? Thirty-two weeks and 1 day
Vital stats? +22 lbs, +3 lbs from last week (after a bit of a plateau with no gain between 29-31 weeks, but perhaps fewer bagels and more fruit? Though bagels are very delicious and now I want one). Stats from my OB appointment today: blood pressure 110/60*. No protein in urine. Spud’s heart rate at 131, head down**.
Sleep: Awful. The world appears to have gone to hell in a hand basket, and every new cabinet appointment makes me dread the future in increasing, amorphous ways. It is rare to not feel safe living in Canuckia, but so many of us do not feel safe. I am not a minority or persecuted group, and I do not feel safe. I cannot really comprehend how those individuals must be feeling, but it makes me so sad. Suffice to say my anxiety has not been improved by the past week, nor my sleep.
How am I feeling physically? Things have gotten heavy, y’all. I am slow. I am ponderous. I have to roll around fruitlessly for a while before being able to get out of bed. It is hard to put on socks. It is hard to sit slumped forwards, because my uterus pokes into my sternum uncomfortably. Noted, I should not sit slumped forwards, but I do, often, and now I can’t. It is uncomfortable to sit leaning back, or to lie down. I am not in any pain, and I’m generally still ok to walk places. I have almost enough energy to get through the day, and sometimes to run an errand in the evening, but by mid-week that starts to crumble. Things are not hard yet, but they are not easy either.
How am I feeling emotionally? Still more weeping-prone than normal, but less so than a week or so ago. Always about ridiculous things (tearing up when walking home from the OB’s office today, for instance, wondering if Pea would want to watch a baking show or not. The “or not” was the reason for the welling water works). Anxious, in part for reasons above, and in part because I’m running out of time to get organized for my leave and for my lab in the interim. I feel I am a bit blinkered on this, like something will still go wrong so I don’t actually take leave (this was a vivid dream this week too, which hasn’t helped).
Best moment? We had a seriously lovely weekend with Pea’s friends. They are wonderful. Many board games, one epic one a few times as we got the hang of the strategy. An afternoon poking about the small attractive town north of New City, and the discovery of a craft brewery with crokinole tables on each table. Developing small bruises on our forefingers from flicking crokinole pucks. Meeting up with my one friend in the department*** for a beer at another local brewery and having the group gel just right.
Medications: Lovenox, 40 mg sub-cutaneous injection nightly. Baby aspirin, 1 pill (81 g) nightly (last week for this – to be stopped at 33 weeks). Prenatal vitamin in the am, iron supplement at lunch, vitamin D and calcium in the evening.
What I miss? The ability to put socks on standing up with ease. Having some energy after 3 pm on work days. Not having heartburn when I wake up. Hello, third trimester.
What I’m looking forward to? Our baby-shower/housewarming party this weekend, featuring much family and many friends we haven’t seen since relocating to Canuckia. My sister has done a brilliant job organizing (including organizing ME, which was much needed). We’ve ordered a pile of samosas and a cake, Turia is making cupcakes and bringing other accoutrements, and Pea insisted we buy a veritable truck-load of alcohol. A party is shaping up indeed!
What have I done this week for the pregnancy? I sorted and folded all of the baby clothes I had washed last week. It literally took hours. There is so much clothing, it is great! I have discovered a love of very tiny pants. Probably I am not going to put little tiny sweatpants on a newborn, preferring to stuff the kiddo in a sleeper, but the tiny pants are very dear. We cleaned many boxes out of the nursery, and moved my desk into the guest room. I made overtures to buy a stroller and change table on kijiji, and then T. discovered friends of hers who are willing to loan their stroller out, which is a match to the bassinet, and also the car seat that T. is now going to loan us. So we have a full travel system to use until such time as Spud does not fit, or these friends need them back, whichever comes first. It is wonderful.
Milestones? I don’t know – nothing big, I don’t think. So here’s a bump pic instead. I am objectively not enormous, but I feeeeeeel like a rhinoceros. Taken at 32 weeks exactly.
* See this week in the news for that bump in blood pressure, I am positive. Egads. I have had to consciously step back from my social media echo chambers, as they ring out with fear and anger and loss in a constant spiral. I feel these things. I worry too. About wars. About the planet. About what we are bringing Spud into. But after eight months of living in a personal spiral of panic, fear, and loss, I cannot have it broad-banded at me from so many different sides, or I wake up already clenched up. I have been struggling with whether everyone thinking 2016 is the worst year ever makes me feel better, or worse – because in the absence of anything external to my nuclear family, 2016 was already the worst year ever. I’m not sure if setting it within a global tragedy of a year is helpful.
**After spending most of the week convinced Spud had moved transverse, it turns out Spud is just bigger than I think – what I thought was a head was their butt, and what I thought was their feet are indeed their feet – I just thought the feet couldn’t be that far from the butt! Spud is getting big!
***my department has many other very nice people, but none that I’ve hung out with for more than one token “you are new, come to dinner” event.