On Caring

I am a stubbornly independent person, and I have a very hard time asking for help or even allowing help to be forced upon me.

I am exclusively breast feeding Spud, and Spud likes to eat in a leisurely, doze-interrupted way. In practice, this means he constantly feeds, until I manage to hit some specific level of satiation at which point he falls asleep for two hours. This also means I am somewhat immobile for giant portions of my day.

I am trying to get about an hour to two hours of work done a day, which I’m finding is the right amount to keep on top of what I absolutely need to. It is hard to find that time, and I vacillate between grudging it for interrupting time with Spud or time for self-care, and bemoaning how little I am able to do at the moment. I can see this improving eventually, but not for a while.

My mom is here, for a week. She took one look at our relatively-in-control household, congratulated us on doing pretty well for “rookies”, and embarked on a mission to refill (and then some) our freezer. She has been grocery shopping twice in two days, and spent all day yesterday in the kitchen making stew for dinner and a casserole to freeze. She is marvellous.

I am not used to not helping, not washing dishes, not setting tables, not providing food to a guest in my house. But my mom will not be fooled by my struggles to be independent, demanding I sit down and “take advantage of it while I’m here”.

She is right, she is wise, and the help is so lovely. I will endeavour to feel less like a waste of space given Spud has outgrown newborn sized sleepers and is solidly into 0-3 months.


3 thoughts on “On Caring

  1. Jenny F. Scientist

    Been there! Also was wrong, got nothing done. And in the years since I have heard SO many delusional new parents, including a friend who thought she could legit work FT from home while caring for an infant (no). Turns out everyone calls it the fourth trimester for a reason!

    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      He really is still a proto-human! And it feels wrong to put him down when he is so much happier attached to or on me. So I am getting better at typing one-handed. And better at setting reasonable goals, like possibly showering, or leaving the house every second day.


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