Thoughts in a smatter

I’m getting sleep. I’m not getting much sleep, certainly not enough sleep, but, with one night’s exception, I’m not getting no sleep.

I’m meeting with my students, weekly one on ones and a biweekly lab meeting. They are making progress, but slowly. I do not think their speed is my fault.

Spud weighs somewhere around 10.8 lbs, based on my not-accurate bathroom scale, up from 9 lbs last time I weighed him. I constantly worry my milk supply is too low, despite him powering through diapers like a champ.

In fact, I worry a lot, in fits and starts. I am not used to being so immobile, so house bound. The grey relentlessness of January is not helping. I feel ok – not too anxious, not sad beyond reason. But I have a lot of space in my day and I sometimes fill it with worrying. I have downloaded library books to my kindle to hopefully fill space more healthfully.

I worry this is going to get really hard when my parade of visitors dries up this weekend. I am tired of having guests, but I am deeply extroverted and long days alone may prove trying. 

My freezer is stuffed to the gills with food made by loving hands, and Pea is here with a hug whenever I need one, so hopefully it will all be ok.

2 thoughts on “Thoughts in a smatter

  1. rainbowgoblin

    Don’t worry about the visitors leaving. OK, I know you’ll worry anyway. But I think you’ll find it much easier to establish a routine once you’re on your own… and everything is so much easier with babies when you have a routine. But make socialising part of your routine: find a moms and babies coffee group, go to library story times, do mom and baby yoga (these are all things I forced myself to do pretty much every week, and being a TOTAL INTROVERT, it was really hard).

  2. Turia

    I agree with rainbowgoblin and was coming on to say the same thing! It will be easier when some sort of routine can be established, whether that’s one you guide Spud into or one he establishes himself. And definitely get some Mum and baby friends- they were life savers with E. I have failed to do anything social with P, largely because my day is already set out with E’s school movements and I check in with my Mum friends there.

    I am very far down the introvert spectrum and I found being at home with a baby incredibly difficult because I was never alone and thus could never recharge. I am finding it easier this time around because P naps better than E did so I do get a bit of quiet. But it is still hard, no matter what your personality is!


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