Spud has reintroduced the 2 am feed, which means I am once again getting at most three hours of sleep at a stretch, and only one such stretch per night. We think he maybe wants to go to bed earlier, but haven’t managed it yet.
I spent four hours on campus on Tuesday with Spud in tow, listening to my students practice their presentations and critiquing them. I went grocery shopping with Pea after and felt like I had been hit by bricks. Science bricks. I was grainy with fatigue.
I have made two errors while tired that have compromised Spud’s safety. He is fine, but it could have been bad. Really bad. I am shaken.
I have three meetings on Thursdays. Spud has cried through the first two (and been asleep for quite literally the entire rest of the day). He just cried through the third and is now condescending to be briefly awake for food. Except I didn’t post this so now it is Friday.
I am leaving Spud with Pea today to spend an afternoon on campus, as our seminar speaker is a good friend whom I invited. I will pop home after to tank Spud up again, but am then going to dinner. Spud will take a bottle, but under protest. It might be a rough day for Pea, and Spud.
I had an email from my postdoc advisor asking about the status of my one remaining paper (stalled indefinitely). She asked if she should give the project to someone else. It killed me, but I replied with a “yes, I can help with that transition”. She has just now replied that she has no one in mind and maybe we should work together and get it done but also make it bigger. I can’t. My 24 hours of relief from having ditched this paper were potent. She doesn’t really understand the word no, but I will find a way to gracefully recuse myself.
I am tired. I am frustrated. I am trying to minimize work, but even the bare minimum intrudes on my care of Spud. I don’t necessarily think Spud needs my attention 24/7, but he is my actual job right now. On the other hand, Spud’s sleep schedule may be dissolving my brain, and is certainly making this balance harder to achieve.