bless her

Bless my friend, mom of two and imminently practical, who said “just feed him the boob today”. For giving me permission out. Out of a day where Spud sipped and spat his full feed. Where he cried at everything (oh, leap. goodness me). Where I was going to be late to pump and late to put him for a nap and he was starving because he didn’t swallow any of the milk I’d offered. When it was just too much work.

As she said, Spud will always associate me with the boobs. I won’t be the one feeding him from a sippy cup or bottle or (damn it) syringe (if it comes to it). I won’t be pumping when I’m also trying to care for him, around his schedule.

It has been a lot of work. Monday he drank 2 oz and refused the cup violently for the rest of the day, which was worse than the full week before. Tuesday he drank 8 oz in 6 hours, for the ~11 I pumped. Wednesday he drank five ounces in five hours, for the ~8 I pumped. A steady deficit, despite eating technically enough. Today he spat out 4 oz over three attempts, and I caved. Fed one side, drove home*, and pumped the other to get 1 lousy ounce. A steady decline in output too, for reasons unknown.

EEF moms are frigging superheroes, my goodness. All the work, none of the benefits of either method of feeding.

* drove home from swimming!! Met my friend, and we took our three boys swimming, Spud’s first time in a pool. He frigging loved it, kicking away in this hilarious rhythmic stroke. Best moment of the week so far, by far.

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4 thoughts on “bless her

  1. Turia

    I was going to say basically this when you first posted about trying not to nurse during work hours, but didn’t want to make it look like I was criticizing your decision given I know having to go back to work at six months is a touchy subject and I’m still at home. But my point was mostly that Spud will be a different baby when Pea is home and you are not and will respond differently to the milk that is offered. I know I would rather spend my last month home nursing and soaking up all the cuddles rather than trying to fight with my baby about the cup when he knew the boobs were right there. I guess I would take the view that the transition will be an adjustment for everyone and I wouldn’t want to wreck my last weeks at home trying to make something easier for Pea when it might be easier for him anyway solely by virtue of not lactating.

    Sorry I didn’t go ahead and say it. It sounds like it would have been an ok thing for you to hear.

    xoxoxo

    Reply
    1. labmonkeyftw Post author

      The thing is, I’m choosing to go back early. I could have taken the full year, but I didn’t think it made sense. I still don’t, though I am better aware of how hard it will be to not be home.
      I seem to always want to fix things that aren’t broken, and I’m glad people are willing to tell me to stop. The sippy cup practice was exacerbated by the fact that it is Pea’s mum who will care for him next week while I’m at my conference, and I somehow feel responsible for Spud’s behaviour while she’s home with him, in a way that I really don’t feel for Pea. Pea and Spud will figure it out. It seemed unfair to hand Pea’s mum a baby who couldn’t eat.
      I’m seven minutes away, at the end of the day. We’ll get through it.
      Many hugs! I am always willing to hear thoughts on plans, especially from you!

      Reply
  2. Crone

    You and Turia nailed it. Breast feed now while you can. Get your time in cuddles and happiness; Spud will change in the next few weeks anyway. Be you and enjoy this time.

    Reply

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