I have a coherent post I want to write, but my brain is all scattered so it’s not in the cards today. So here are some things that have happened with an absence of detailed commentary.
- My infertility buddy from Hilly Quirky has found herself pregnant with #2. I say “found” because they were not trying, and were preventing, and they do want a second but this is the very worst possible timing both career-wise and financially. She is feeling all the feelings. I weighed in on some pregnancy test pics (“Hubby says there is no line, but I think I see one?” attached to a picture with the clearest possible positive. Absolutely no question. Denial is a force, my friends.). I offered her support, regardless of what she chooses. It is a matter of months, this pregnancy versus when they would have chosen to try, but they are critical months. It took them 1.5 years to conceive their daughter. This fertility business is a fickle one.
- Another good friend from Hilly Quirky has ventured into IVF, and has used me as a resource while navigating the process. She transferred one genetically normal embryo. Her hcg at 9 dpt was 39, next test on Monday because she was going out of town for a few days. I told her not to google, and to try to stay in the waiting space. It is not really borderline, that is low. Reminiscently low. It brought up a lot of pretty awful spans of time in my life. Hard to know what to hope, aside from “not ectopic”, so I’ve settled on that as my plea to the universe. This fertility business is a fickle one.
- We moved Spud to his own room on Saturday. He slept through the night Saturday night. Sunday, he nursed at 4:50 am and went back to sleep until 8 am. He did essentially the same thing Monday night. Last night, he went back to his usual 12 am, 3 am, 5 am wake ups, but he resettled himself at 5 am, so only had two feeds (and went to bed massively over tired after either skipping his third nap entirely or taking a 10 minute nap – we’re not sure. Plus no solids dinner because carrots were not a hit). So I don’t know if we are really out of the woods on sleep, but that is massively improved, and I feel like a new person.
- I checked in with our daycare, and we are 25th on the wait list and the infant spots are full for September. So we will be looking at home care in our neighbourhood or a nanny, neither of which we really know how to navigate. Suggestions welcome for what to look for. Both of us are really sad about Spud going into care. I’m tempted to schedule out what it would look like if we time-shared care, get Pea to look into part-time work, which Golden Company allows and prefers to leave. It is nonsense to think we provide better care than a care-giver, but it is hard to think of him in someone else’s hands, even if they are more experienced. I am having a much much harder time with this than I expected, probably unsurprisingly. I was reading some daycare guidelines which encouraged sending a picture book of parents and family, and a lovey for comfort, and my heart cracked open.
- Spud is trying really really hard to crawl and is making progress. Now he can get up on all fours, scootch his legs forward, and then flop forward face first. It’s not elegant, but it is forward motion of a sort. He can also lift each hand while on all fours, so it’s only a matter of (not much) time before he puts that all together. We need more baby gates, and soon.
- Perhaps related to trying to crawl/learning to roll, or perhaps worrying, Spud’s also arching his back much much more often when held. It is new, and coincides with the crawling practice, so we’re currently chalking it up to demanding to be mobile. He still is happy to cuddle and nurse and snuggle with books, so he’s not against personal contact, he just wants to see the world from upside down when we’re walking? It may be a tired cue, we’re still figuring it out.
- I ordered printed photos to put in Spud’s baby book and went a little mad and got lots to send to family, and now I have a photo of Pea and Spud on my wall at work, and another of just Spud. I hesitated before putting them up. I’m still navigating parenting and academia and how best to be a #scimom from a public perspective – that’s the post for another day.